Removing "still."

 

Last week, when I came in to see my chiropractor in pain, he suggested laser therapy. He said that since I have been in physical therapy for almost a year now without recovery, maybe laser therapy was a good option for me. I didn't think about it, I just said yes. "I am willing to try anything at this point," I said.

The past two weeks, I had 3 appointments a week, for this new therapy. 

I also started Osteophatic Manipulative Treatment (OMT) this week, once a week. My doctor recommended it months ago, but I didn't know what it was and about a month ago in desperation I reached out, and I made an appointment for it.

And I have been applying at jobs the whole week.

When I was driving to an appointment earlier today, I was thinking how much I am still trying to cope with so many changes.

"Still." I say and write this a lot, I thought.

I had a little aha moment. Maybe I keep saying, "I am still here, or I am still coping," because I am trying to say 'I shouldn't', or 'I should.'

When I thought about it, I felt the shame 'still' carries - shoulds and shame go together. 

So, today, I changed it:

"I am coping with so many changes. New therapies and treatments that are leaving me tired and in pain and needing more rest while I am searching for jobs, working on résumes and cover letters and recovering from a bad depressive episode and coping with anxiety." 

With love,

Paty ♥
Love. Zeal. Balance.