Seven Golds

On Saturday I asked the boys if they could drive to a little event at the University of Washington in Tacoma; I wanted to introduce myself and leave my business card to a business that was going to be there. I was surprised that I felt the need to take a few photographs. I had a difficult week with the headaches, but on Saturday I was feeling okay and it made me happy. I evaluated my decision to go very carefully, given the fact that I get trigger headaches just by being in the car for a long time. But the drive was only 1/2 an hour each way, so I figured it would be okay. Then Sunday happened. I went into depression really quick with a whole range of intrusive thoughts. The pressure of depression and the heavy work of trying to save myself triggered the headaches badly.  Sunday night I was experiencing what is called a 'dark night of the soul.' I have experienced this before, more than once, but it had been a while. I have been going from feeling lost, confused, in despair, to...

I realized really quick that the rebuilding phase will not be easy. I already spent the loan my mom gave me. A lot went into medical bills and mortgage.  My income tax return was little this year, and it is already going into medical expenses. My insurance is no longer covering for chiropractor visits, and it denied more physical therapy. I am currently paying out-of-pocket, but I know soon I won't be able to. The new clients I was excited about and counting on are not working out or are not ready. I had a difficult week with my headaches and back pain this week. This affected my mental health. My physical health affects my mental health, and my mental health affects my physical health.  I have also been overwhelmed as fuck! It became clearer, this week, after therapy and sleepless nights that if I my chronic stress is not managed, I have no chance of a full recovery; I am still hoping. I'm also in this space of trying to figure out how to live, recover joy, rebuild a life and...

  I just ended a major cycle in my life and in my Journey. I realized I was wrong when I said I was ending the Journey back in 2024; I can see that now. I think I was transitioning into a new phase, without me realizing it.  This new stage is the stage of aligning my thoughts with my own feelings and actions. Of finding my balance. Of building a firm foundation, physically, mentally and spiritually. I know this now because I can peacefully stay with this reality and it doesn’t feel forced. I believe this is the phase where I start practicing what I have learned along this journey.  The REBUILDING phase. Truthfully. Doing with more intention, creating around my purpose and around who I am. Connecting with my authentic self, dreams, goals, purpose, power, trust, joy, love & future. Here, Paty ♥ Love. Zeal. Balance.