About Living....

 ....

"Is it possible to live so defensively that you never get to live at all?"



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The struggles of not believing in myself.

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One of the effects of trauma and mental health has been not believing in myself. I was feeling some strength, as a result of the intense work of recovery, but I soon came into a wall of disbelief. It stopped me cold. As I was becoming my intense fears, again, I managed to do some rescue, observe, and ask myself " Why?" "Why is this severe fear continuing to paralyze me?" "And why does it feel so real?" I kept my mind and heart open; started paying attention to my thoughts and automatic reactions to those thoughts. The thing is that those thoughts feel real and true, so the ability to just recognize them is really hard. Saying, "wait a second, maybe this isn't real...is this real? Where is this coming from?" Then going back to the thought, process the thought, and pay attention to what I want to do in response to that thought. Immediately feeling that it doesn't feel right; that there is something wrong there, but why? Where is it coming f...
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This is 44, in photographs.

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