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Dark Nights of The Soul.

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On Saturday I asked the boys if they could drive to a little event at the University of Washington in Tacoma; I wanted to introduce myself and leave my business card to a business that was going to be there. I was surprised that I felt the need to take a few photographs. I had a difficult week with the headaches, but on Saturday I was feeling okay and it made me happy. I evaluated my decision to go very carefully, given the fact that I get trigger headaches just by being in the car for a long time. But the drive was only 1/2 an hour each way, so I figured it would be okay. Then Sunday happened. I went into depression really quick with a whole range of intrusive thoughts. The pressure of depression and the heavy work of trying to save myself triggered the headaches badly.  Sunday night I was experiencing what is called a 'dark night of the soul.' I have experienced this before, more than once, but it had been a while. I have been going from feeling lost, confused, in despair, to...
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"When trauma becomes complex," C-PTSD.

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I came across a good explanation the other day, about what Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) is, and I decided to share it to continue creating awareness since it is an illness that has affected me deeply, and few people know about what it is. This post was written by an account I follow dedicated to creating suicide awareness. "" C-PTSD can develop after experiencing repeated or long-term trauma, especially when a person feels trapped or unable to escape. This may include childhood abuse, or neglect, domestic violence, human trafficking, ongoing emotional abuse, prolonged bullying, or living in a war zone. Unlike PTSD, which is often linked to a single traumatic event, C-PTSD is associated with ongoing or repeated traumatic experiences. People living with C-PTSD may experience symptoms of PTSD, such as: Flashbacks or intrusive memories. Nightmares. Avoiding reminders of the trauma. Feeling constantly alert or on edge. But they might also struggle with: Difficul...
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There is no letting go without acceptance. And what is good, anyway?

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I realized this week that we can't let go if we don't accept things first. Exactly as they are. Without guilt. Acceptance comes first. And not just once.  Then comes the letting go. And the freedom. "Acceptance is freedom because you are ultimately deciding to stop fighting yourself." I read that letting go needs three qualities: acceptance. objective observation of the present moment. the effort to keep choosing more skillful actions than the past. And patiently because I don't like how it makes me feel, but I can't skip the messiness of the middle part. The magic happens here. I also had to google, first thing in the morning the other day after a night of panics & realizing that I am still struggling with deep insecurity. This one article listed three things, to overcome insecurity: having a voice. expressing your needs. knowing your value. My mind immediately & defensively goes to, "remember what happened the last time you expressed a need?...
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