About a concert. Shame, happy, and being present.

I absolutely love concerts. I have only gone to a few in my life; they are expensive, and my mental health really took the life out of me. 

This week I went to the first one by myself. I bought the ticket at the beginning of the year; I wanted to make sure to buy it before running out of money. 

On Tuesday, in therapy, I told my therapist, "I don't know what I'm doing, going to concerts right now if I am struggling with these headaches. What if this is a bad idea?" But that feeling was connected to something deeper. I still have little moments of feeling I don't deserve good things. I also go into anxiety thinking something is going to go wrong, and whatever goes wrong it would be my fault because I was there. Alone. When I shouldn't have.

"No!" This has been my response for quite some time now, "no, we are not going there."

My therapist told me that it is actually a misconception we have as society, sending messages that internalize judgements when we have illnesses and/or disorders. That in reality when we are sick, one of the best things to do is to do something we enjoy.

It definitely was challenging to enjoy the experience fully after the one-hour drive because I needed to rest my neck and head. But I did my best to enjoy it, be present, surrender to the experience.

I definitely had some pain. But I was happy. And that is a win I need to celebrate.

_____________________________________________________________

Question of the week - how can I be present in this moment, regardless of my challenges?

Quote of the week - "Shame is trauma." Because it tells you that you are not worthy of love; that you are unworthy, and that is very difficult to change. This explained a lot. And:

"You can change a child's behavior with shame on a dime. But you are forever changing who they are."

Here,

Paty ♥
Love. Zeal. Balance. 

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