Acknowledge, Accept, Move forward - A critical stage.


My week was a bit difficult. On Saturday I was having bad headaches. Sunday and Monday I struggled a lot with my mental health. It was until Monday night that I finally gave up the struggle and realized my nervous system was dysregulated and I couldn't just fix it or run away from it. Brought myself to the reality that in those moments I can't see things clearly no matter how much I try. Nor feel positivity- it's not possible.

So, finally on Monday night after two days of struggle I realized that what I needed was to regulate my nervous system. Nothing else. I started breathing with my normal routine of paying attention to my surroundings- "I am cutting carrots." 

"The carrots are orange. "

"I see trees outside my window. "

"The trees are green."

 "Oh, look, there is a raccoon eating the birds' food." 

Then nostalgia hits because I have to do this. I feel it and move on from it.

The next day I told my therapist that although it was challenging, at least I didn't have depression.

The following day depression hits. And by Friday I was feeling ill and took the day off to stay in bed. I promised myself I was going to take the day off without guilt to take care of myself. Still needs improvement but it's getting better.

In therapy, my therapist told me I had been falling into old patterns, internally, and there were a few things we talked about that just clicked and I have been researching and processing. This helped me understand something I internally knew but never brought it to the surface until she mentioned the possibility. I am also in this space of knowing that if there are things that come up in therapy, I acknowledge and accept. Then move on from it because if I stay too long there I start going down. It already happened more than once.

There were a lot of key moments this week. One of them was that I told my therapist, "If I don't stop believing that there is something wrong with me, or that I am wrong, I am not going to make it." I also told her that I need to have a stronger internal foundation, or I won't make it.

This morning when I got up and I was in front of the mirror, something aligned within me:

This is the life I was given, now what?"


Here,

Paty ♥
Love. Zeal. Balance.

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