The most difficult post to write.


TRIGGER WARNING-
 
I didn’t think I was going to be writing about this, in this space. I have been avoiding it since Monday. This is not really what I wanted.

But what happens when we run away from our truths? I have seen it, many times, and it is destructive. 

I understood the message today when I read a quote:
“There is a cost to carrying your truth but not telling it.”

I have also seen that kind of cost; of not speaking out our truths. Abuse and unhealthy behaviors and patterns continue, from generation to generation.

The physical and mental abuse I received from my parents broke me.

Abusive relationships broke me. 

So much trauma and mental health, including suicidal images and not wanting to live, broke me. Feeling completely dead on the inside. 

But what happened to my daughter, seeing her, experiencing her demons, her trauma, rage, darkness, coping mechanisms and her own abuse. This truly broke me.

My daughter was sexually abused as a child, by a family member.

I don’t know why, this specific moment, I am feeling the urgency to start speaking out about this. I know that if I don’t do it, I will stay stuck by oppressing and denying my reality. 

I don’t know what is next, after this post but I believe I will figure it out. What I am coming to know is that I need to trust myself and my instincts. 

♥

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Something in me switched when I received that text from my son and his motorcycle accident....

Image
I had had another depressive episode and that day, Tuesday of last week was a specific difficult day in dealing with depression. I didn’t have EMDR that day, spending my time in therapy talking about being overwhelmed and all the things I have been putting aside since I started this therapy. A few minutes after therapy I received a text from my son asking me to pick him up because he had been in a motorcycle accident.  After asking if he was okay, my internal reaction was actually unexpected.  “I need to start dancing with life and everything thrown at me, otherwise I won’t make it.” We were in the hospital until 1:00 a.m. He is not perfect, but he is okay, and I am grateful he is all right.  The next day, in therapy, we were supposed to jump right into EMDR but I told her that I just couldn't do it anymore. I really can’t. It’s killing me; my body and my soul can’t possibly take any more of it. It wasn’t a rushed decision. It was becoming more and more difficult to endur...
Read more

Just one sentence...

Image
  Sometimes it’s hard to come to this place and write, especially if my mind is in turmoil with healing and daily life. There is also a lot of uncertainty going on right now; personally, and around most of us, I think. In order to push my limitations and not feel overwhelmed, I tell myself that all I have to do is just write one sentence - if I am able to come up with just one sentence of what is going on with my healing, recovery, creativity, or something that might be of inspiration, then that is all I need. Just one sentence to share. It helps me to gain refocus on this project and concentrate instead of giving up.   "Deep practice is required, & when you practice what you know, your gifts & talents will grow." Here, Paty ♥
Read more

This is 44, in photographs.

Image
  "When the unthinkable happens, and does not relent, we fall through our hubris toward an inner flow, an abiding & rebirthing darkness that feels like home." - Barbara Holmes "The crisis begins without warning, shatters our assumptions about the way the world works, and changes our story & the stories of our neighbors. The reality that was so familiar to us is gone suddenly, and we don't know what is happening. If life, as we experience it, is a fragile crystal orb that holds our daily routines and dreams of order and stability, then sudden & catastrophic crises shatter this illusion of normalcy. [...] It is cracking open, the rupture and shuttering of self, community expectations, and presumptions about how the world works. It is the result of trauma, free fall and wounding." "There are many entry points into these sacred reflective spaces." And there are many rebirths and many deaths. The Journey changed me. But it also took me to who i ...
Read more