Darkness and Light coexist.

My old therapist, from years ago, once told me that light and darkness coexist. She said, "You have been wanting to get rid of your darkness since I started talking with you; why?"

I don't remember saying anything to her. I was trying to process what she had said; that light and darkness coexist. But mainly, I was thinking, defensively, "Not this darkness and these demons I am dealing with; this is different and scary and it overpowers me. I don't want it, and I don't know how to get rid of it. Please tell me how to get rid of it!"

After many years of struggle, I am understanding, slowly, that where there is light there is also darkness. That although I will never be okay with the events that got me to so much darkness, building up since childhood and into my adulthood, I may be able to understand and know about light, because I know the depths of darkness.

One has to truly know about darkness in order to know the light. It is here where I have found most of my compassion - in the midst of the suffering of despair.

I also learnt about the importance of internal power when I was powerless and had to fight for it. 

I am getting stronger, but I still struggle with dark moments, daily. I still have days with triggers and intense fears and emotions that become overwhelming and I start to feel trapped. The difference now is that I am getting better at recognizing what is happening and figuring out how to cope and recover. Some days I succeed, and some days are difficult.

Angels and demons - it seems I can't have one without the other. I'm just still trying to figure out the balance.

Paty ♥
Learn. Believe. Allow.