Seven Golds

A while ago, I started realizing how much I struggle blogging, to the point where I just wouldn't post at all. I know that a lot of times I just can't, either because of mental health problems, or physical issues. But I have struggled with opening up; being honest. I started talking with my therapist about it when I figured how much it was blocking me from writing. One big issue that came up was guilt. I told her that guilt sometimes stops me, but I didn't know why. She said, "maybe guilt is trying to keep you safe, because fear of abandonment comes up." This made a lot of sense to me. It was healing to see things clearer, from a different perspective, because part of my trauma screams "there is something wrong with you, and you are not good enough." It was easier to write a post after that. But then I started getting stuck again. So, I started working really hard on trying to identify the thoughts showing up whenever I wanted to write but couldn't. ...

Mental health is complex and messy. Life is complex and messy. My mind still feels really messed up a lot of times. During these moments I still get angry, but I am in a place where I can feel the anger and let it pass through me without consuming my soul. I still have bad days with panic or anxiety attacks. Or days when darkness takes over. Living with mental health is not easy. Most of the time I am trying, fighting, or accepting. Sometimes I want to give up because I’m too tired. These are the days I need grace the most.  I’m still learning not to be judgemental towards myself, when I come into my limitations again. When I slip and start putting a lot of pressure on my recovery and myself.  But I am noticing that every time the struggles get real again, I recover a little stronger. These are my small wins. Small wins that are kind of a big deal to me. I’m still struggling with headaches, and at times it affects my mental health. I made mistakes at first until I realiz...