Why I struggle blogging about mental health.

A while ago, I started realizing how much I struggle blogging, to the point where I just wouldn't post at all. I know that a lot of times I just can't, either because of mental health problems, or physical issues.

But I have struggled with opening up; being honest. I started talking with my therapist about it when I figured how much it was blocking me from writing.

One big issue that came up was guilt. I told her that guilt sometimes stops me, but I didn't know why. She said, "maybe guilt is trying to keep you safe, because fear of abandonment comes up." This made a lot of sense to me. It was healing to see things clearer, from a different perspective, because part of my trauma screams "there is something wrong with you, and you are not good enough."

It was easier to write a post after that. But then I started getting stuck again. So, I started working really hard on trying to identify the thoughts showing up whenever I wanted to write but couldn't. And I started sharing them, raw, with her.

Discovered that I see it as a place of shame, and shame and unhealthy guilt doesn't let us move forward. My therapist reminded me that self-compassion is recognizing my worth & potential- something I am still working on. 

Another problem is how much I compare myself, setting unrealistic expectations. Or hearing others' voices in my head of what I think I should be doing, writing. "I should not be writing about mental health because I should be recovered already…”

We also discovered that I am afraid of negativity. That I feel that if I am talking about my mental health struggles, I am being negative.

She asked me if there was pressure, to which I immediately responded "Yes!!" I told her how much I feel this external pressure, and in return, I put this debilitating and damaging pressure on myself. 

She then asked me to think about what a blog means, and what it means for me. What is my intention- is it authentic struggles? Mental health awareness? 

And to leave room for the good as well. 

Authentic struggles, & mental health awareness mean something to me. I think is part of who I am. It's not just my struggle but being able to share and connect. To still say, "I'm down, and I am not afraid to admit it. But I'm also fighting my demons and doing the work.

Here,

Paty ♥




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