Seven Golds

I watched Alice in Wonderland the other day, again. I always liked the part where she talks about imagining "Six Impossible Things before breakfast," so I came up with my own list, of my own Impossible things: Healing is possible. The house project is possible - Paint, new floors, and get rid of the old furniture. Write a book. Share my Story. Create an organization dedicated to consciousness and awareness about abuse, trauma, mental health and recovery. 5 & 6 are more personal.  I suppose that challenging my mind to start believing, is "an excellent practice." "A crazy, mad, wonderful idea." Paty ♥ Learn. Believe. Allow.

One of the effects of trauma and mental health has been not believing in myself. I was feeling some strength, as a result of the intense work of recovery, but I soon came into a wall of disbelief. It stopped me cold. As I was becoming my intense fears, again, I managed to do some rescue, observe, and ask myself " Why?" "Why is this severe fear continuing to paralyze me?" "And why does it feel so real?" I kept my mind and heart open; started paying attention to my thoughts and automatic reactions to those thoughts. The thing is that those thoughts feel real and true, so the ability to just recognize them is really hard. Saying, "wait a second, maybe this isn't real...is this real? Where is this coming from?" Then going back to the thought, process the thought, and pay attention to what I want to do in response to that thought. Immediately feeling that it doesn't feel right; that there is something wrong there, but why? Where is it coming f