Seven Golds

What's next? What is the action plan?  I asked my therapist yesterday. I have been talking about my past and traumas and mental health with her, since we started, because I wanted her to understand the Why and the history.  Talking about it all was intense. Terrifying. Triggering.  Deliberating. I have been hoping for this moment, since I started therapy in November of last year, right after Thanksgiving. The moment of having shared all the things that are difficult to share (little note - I know I share very little in this blog, and that it might be difficult to understand the struggles and the whys of my mental health, but I am not ready to talk about it all. At least not here, and not yet-). It took a year to make it to this little milestone. All the challenges. The having to start all over again with therapist after therapist. I realized, today, how much perseverance it took. How much I endured, and how many times I wanted to quit when my mind screamed loud and louder...

 I had therapy today, and my therapist said this: That I am in this pivotal point in my life, where I have this beautiful opportunity to rebuild myself.  This beautiful moment where I can rebuild my life. ~ And this is just precious and powerful. Paty ♥

  I have been, mainly, talking about past traumas in therapy. Figuring out how to get to those repressed & oppressed experiences, feelings, emotions. Realities and memories. My heart has been wide open. Exposed. Vulnerable. Scared. My emotions have been extremely raw. But I am allowing them to show up, as they are.  "When we steel ourselves for battle, our focus narrows and we can cut out as much as what we need as what we fear." "When we need it most, it is nearly impossible to see ourselves with compassion from the slit of a narrowed mind all tensed for battle."                                    Paty ♥

"To allow oneself to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want to help everyone in everything is to succumb to violence." The author explained, in the book, that this quote is about slowing down and accepting our limitations.  That we only have two hands and one heart.  I have been struggling a lot with this. It has been a great challenge accepting, over and over, that right now, I don't have much to give. I have talked, and worked, a lot, on accepting my limitations. Yet, I still find myself lost, often times, wanting to do and be and give more. More than I can.  More than I am right now. Paty ♥