Journaling intrusive thoughts.

 


My mental health got bad, really quickly, Tuesday night & yesterday. It caught me off guard. I wanted to write a little bit about it, but it was so intense it is difficult to share it. I am also realizing that I am trying to protect myself from all the emotions and darkness I was feeling.

When things were getting really bad, I somehow managed to take out my bike and ride it for 15 minutes. Then I looked for a journal just for the purpose of writing down my thoughts; the intrusive thoughts that feel so real and keep sending me into mental despair. After that I went back to work, but doing something easy that didn't require much thinking. The moment a thought showed up, instead of allowing it to completely take over, I wrote it down. Raw. Exactly as it came. 

This is important because, in the moment, is almost impossible to even identify these thoughts. Thoughts that are still related to the unresolved trauma I am currently working on. I came aware of the truth that if I don't identify them as being false, they are going to destroy me.

I can't go back to what I wrote, at least not yet. Today has been about recovering, not processing. But I was able to notice & identify these thoughts when they were trying to show up today, threatening my vulnerable mental state. I was able to stop and ask myself, "what are you feeling right now?" "Why? What thought is coming up?" And "is it true?"

Here,

Paty ♥

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