Seven Golds

Depression, burnout, CPTSD, overwhelm and intense emotions hit me hard again. My traumas and triggers reactivated and I went into survival mode. I was putting up a big fight, trying. "I'll take a day off and tomorrow I will be better." Weeks of struggle, and finally last week, I realized how difficult it was just to take a shower. Slowly, I started to let my guard down. I was going through another bad depressive episode and fighting the symptoms in my inability to recognize them, even though they were there, was only making things worse. Recovering from bad mental health episodes is excruciating, and it takes time, depending on a lot of factors.  I had a long session with my therapist, figuring out what to do next. We have been talking about beginning EMDR, but she was waiting for me to get mentally stronger. Now, she wasn't sure if continuing waiting for the right time was a good idea. She asked me what I would like to do, and I said I didn't want to wait anymore...

"Let's move forward with love, not conquest; humility, not righteousness; generous curiosity, not hardened assumptions. It is a magnificent thing to be alive in a moment that matters so much. Let's proceed with broken-open hearts, seeking truth, summoning courage & focused on solutions." .... it is a magnificent thing to be alive in a moment that matters so much .... I needed this, this week. This year. In this specific time in my life. Paty ♥ Love. Zeal. Balance.

  In 2024, I gave the fight of my life. I started fighting for my recovery and healing without any strength and without knowing if I was doing the right thing. I was challenged and tested with so many obstacles, fears and setbacks. A lot of times I thought I wasn't going to make it through, or that I was never going to get better. Each time, I had to challenge those thoughts. "It's possible to get better, it's possible..." I would repeat this over and over. "It's possible, I can do it." My therapist would say, sometimes that recovery is possible. I believe the last time she said this was only a month or two ago. Something would click in me, whenever she said this affirmation: 'recovery is possible.' Unfamiliar words holding a truth, realizing that if she was saying it, she had a reason for it.  I had to face, internally, all that was unresolved. When I realized how lost I was, I had to find myself. I worked a lot on the relationship with myse...