In recovery, not in maintenance.

 

My therapist told me this week to step into the unknown as an alternative to always asking myself, “Am I ever going to get better?”

She said this question was too much to handle.

I knew having therapy twice a week was going to be challenging, but boy am I tired from it! I also had two other appointments this week, making it a total of four. I started calling some facilities to inquire about my insurance and like I suspected it, my insurance doesn’t cover mental health facilities. My therapist asked me yesterday if these things affect me, and I said that in a way yes, but that I choose to not let it pull me down, otherwise I can’t survive, but the truth is that when I called another facility and I was given the out-of-pocket cost, my heart dropped to the floor.

Something else I told her was that I have struggled so much with this mental health, but I managed, somehow. Even when all I could do was to get out of bed and shower. I have faced a terrible flawed system, both in the mental health system and the health insurance, and it has been another monster and setback. But I kept going, despite the struggles to receive crucial & appropriate assistance.

But what about others?

What about the ones who don’t have the kind of strength I have to keep going, when that strength is no longer there?

What about them? 

Isn’t dealing with mental health illnesses a big problem to deal with already? 

I read something important this week: That mental health therapy needs to be treated as recovery, not just "stabilization and maintenance."

Recovery means “a life of meaning and high purpose in the community."

i am in recovery. 

This week, it was important for me to acknowledge this, that I am in recovery. But I also have limited resources, and in return, limited help. 

With a system that is already struggling to at least stabilize its patients, how are we going to move into recovery and thrive? All of us. 

I am trying to no longer ask myself "Am I ever going to get better?" Because, by not asking, maybe I can transform my energies into needed hope, while also, having to acknowledge the reality of the limitations I face when doors close in my face, leaving me helpless and hopeless, and having to pick up myself the next day to continue figuring out my recovery plan.

Paty ♥
Learn. Believe. Allow.