...how terribly bad I actually feel about myself...

I keep telling myself that my life is not what I thought it would be, by now... not at all how I imagined it.

That my dreams and my goals have not been realized.

It is a voice so strong inside my head that it feels like it is part of me already.

But what dreams, exactly?

Recognition?

Success?

And what is success, anyway?

Success is supposed to have a different definition for each one of us, doesn't it?

A few weeks ago I realized how terribly bad I actually feel about myself. It is, of course, a symptom of borderline (BPD), but in this case I had internalized these awful feelings and emotions of unworthiness, feeling less-than, and not-good-enough. 

Not only I have been carrying these beliefs, but I already believed them as being true. And I have proof.

I am stuck in this mental health hole, unable to be what I once was. Not where I thought I would be, for sure, in this point of my life.

Unable to make goals or dreams. Let alone reach them.

This is what mental health does - everything gets interrupted. 

Of course, it is more complex than just this. 

But...

Is it true? 

Is it true that I am not following my dreams and my goals?

Is it true that I am not where I am meant to be?

Or that I am a failure, like that little strong voice in my head keeps telling me? 

Is it really true I am letting others down? Or am I actually trying my best to not let the people I love and care about down during my worst moments?

What is success, to me, anyway? My own definition, in my own reality and my own life.

In my own empowering way?


         

Paty ♥
 

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