Something Positive.

Yesterday I was going through old photographs for my daughter's Lucián's high school graduation coming up in June. 

I have photos going all the way back to 2018; photos I was never able to finish editing, and that I seriously thought I was never going to get to them.

Slowly, since last year, I have been able to get to those folders and delete a lot of those photos. Some I am deleting because they just take me back to my worst moments with mental health. Others because I can see them with different eyes now, and they were just not good photos. And others because the editing was also not good. I realized how much my depression and distress was showing in the photos I was taking.

Last night I noticed something important. For the first time, I felt that even though one of the reasons the photographs take me back to feel the horrible emotions I was feeling about myself, this time, I felt something different; something positive.

You see, I recognized the fact that I was trying, at the time. Even though I was at my worst, I was still trying. And that was all that really mattered. It helped me see myself with a different light and appreciation.


Here,

Paty ♥

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Something in me switched when I received that text from my son and his motorcycle accident....

Image
I had had another depressive episode and that day, Tuesday of last week was a specific difficult day in dealing with depression. I didn’t have EMDR that day, spending my time in therapy talking about being overwhelmed and all the things I have been putting aside since I started this therapy. A few minutes after therapy I received a text from my son asking me to pick him up because he had been in a motorcycle accident.  After asking if he was okay, my internal reaction was actually unexpected.  “I need to start dancing with life and everything thrown at me, otherwise I won’t make it.” We were in the hospital until 1:00 a.m. He is not perfect, but he is okay, and I am grateful he is all right.  The next day, in therapy, we were supposed to jump right into EMDR but I told her that I just couldn't do it anymore. I really can’t. It’s killing me; my body and my soul can’t possibly take any more of it. It wasn’t a rushed decision. It was becoming more and more difficult to endur...
Read more

Just one sentence...

Image
  Sometimes it’s hard to come to this place and write, especially if my mind is in turmoil with healing and daily life. There is also a lot of uncertainty going on right now; personally, and around most of us, I think. In order to push my limitations and not feel overwhelmed, I tell myself that all I have to do is just write one sentence - if I am able to come up with just one sentence of what is going on with my healing, recovery, creativity, or something that might be of inspiration, then that is all I need. Just one sentence to share. It helps me to gain refocus on this project and concentrate instead of giving up.   "Deep practice is required, & when you practice what you know, your gifts & talents will grow." Here, Paty ♥
Read more

This is 44, in photographs.

Image
  "When the unthinkable happens, and does not relent, we fall through our hubris toward an inner flow, an abiding & rebirthing darkness that feels like home." - Barbara Holmes "The crisis begins without warning, shatters our assumptions about the way the world works, and changes our story & the stories of our neighbors. The reality that was so familiar to us is gone suddenly, and we don't know what is happening. If life, as we experience it, is a fragile crystal orb that holds our daily routines and dreams of order and stability, then sudden & catastrophic crises shatter this illusion of normalcy. [...] It is cracking open, the rupture and shuttering of self, community expectations, and presumptions about how the world works. It is the result of trauma, free fall and wounding." "There are many entry points into these sacred reflective spaces." And there are many rebirths and many deaths. The Journey changed me. But it also took me to who i ...
Read more