Something in me switched when I received that text from my son and his motorcycle accident....

I had had another depressive episode and that day, Tuesday of last week was a specific difficult day in dealing with depression. I didn’t have EMDR that day, spending my time in therapy talking about being overwhelmed and all the things I have been putting aside since I started this therapy.

A few minutes after therapy I received a text from my son asking me to pick him up because he had been in a motorcycle accident. 

After asking if he was okay, my internal reaction was actually unexpected. 

“I need to start dancing with life and everything thrown at me, otherwise I won’t make it.”

We were in the hospital until 1:00 a.m. He is not perfect, but he is okay, and I am grateful he is all right. 

The next day, in therapy, we were supposed to jump right into EMDR but I told her that I just couldn't do it anymore. I really can’t. It’s killing me; my body and my soul can’t possibly take any more of it.

It wasn’t a rushed decision. It was becoming more and more difficult to endure it, but I needed to be sure that my decision was not based on how difficult EMDR is, its side effects and coping with it.

I am not ending the therapy. And I am absolutely not stopping therapy. I am just ready to begin its next stage, which is focusing on my strengths and building them.

Right now I need to figure out how to do this new stage. I need new things and new experiences to start getting my mind off those stuck points in trauma. 

I already looked at some free lectures at the University of Washington. I love learning and it’s an opportunity to get out of the house. I also looked up free courses that Harvard offers, and I found some of my interest. 

I am ready for this new stage, and at times I get a little excited about the process and about what’s next.  This moment, what I need is to keep my mind busy and stimulated away from trauma & trauma work in order to heal my brain and my nervous system. To make it stronger and eventually move to building a better life.

Here,

Paty ♥

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