Lucián.




Lucián just graduated High School last week. 

Throughout the school years, there were a lot of moments I didn't know if we were going to make it to the finish line. But now we are here, and I couldn't be prouder! I am also grateful and relieved.

I still need to process the fact that all of my kids are out of school, with the exception of Angel & college. I no longer have to worry about school and assignments and grades. Or whether or not they will make it. College is different. 

I enjoyed her graduation ceremony a lot; I felt present, alive. 

My brother and my oldest daughter started planning her graduation party since the beginning of the year. When I found out I was still doing the difficult phase of EMDR, and my mental health was still in bad shape; I couldn't even imagine been able to do any planning, or help. I had a lot of moments thinking that if I couldn't get better and all I could do was to show up and be there for her, that that was good enough; that it would be okay. 

As I started improving, I reached out to start contributing. But it has been a process. I had a lot of big moments when I felt so overwhelmed and frustrated, still feeling impotent with simple things. But then, I would just move ahead through the frustrations, doing what needed to be done.

I organized a lot of her photos since childhood in folders. I compared prices and sizes for a canvas, and I printed one. I ordered some prints, and I put together, for the first time, a photo album. The end result wasn't perfect, but still good.

I ordered her a cake. I went through the list my brother sent me, and I was able to process everything in my head. It felt doable. A few other things I decided to do felt doable. I was able to order & organize those things in my head, and it gave me joy and hope. Every time I realize improvements, small & big, I continue to feel life coming back to me. But better.

There were definitely difficulties along the way and waist pain, no matter how much I tried to take care of myself. But when she gave me a big hug thanking me for the little things I did, everything felt worth it. 

It was a team effort between all of us. Lucián spent all morning on Saturday baking sweets, and they were beautiful. Then she had the time of her life, which is what truly matters.






Here,

Paty ♥

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